What is different this Holiday Season?

The greatest gift of aging, in my opinion, is the acquisition of wisdom which leads to a more peaceful heart. This year, 2025, is by far the most peaceful and enjoyable Holiday Season I’ve experienced. What is different for me to make that claim? 

I exchanged shopping, stressing and scurrying for joyous habitation of the Present moment. How did I manage to do that when in all the previous years, as far back as I can remember, approximately 60 or so years, [I don’t remember stressing before I was ten] I either wanted something specific, or even a token of someone’s thoughtfulness, to assure me I was loved? Likewise, I wanted Christmas gatherings to be filled with treasures from me to express my adoration - or was it to please them so they’d appreciate me? Lets not go there. It’s worth pondering my motivations, then turn the page, forward to now. 

As far back as I can remember, probably 35 years [when I no longer shared a household with the father of my children] I wanted all my sons around me, wanted to be included as an important part of their lives. Again, stopping to muse why that was such a critical part of my imagined ‘perfect’ holiday, no longer supports my current story. Maybe I needed to feel assured that they loved me? Looking back now I am able to forgive myself and also laugh at my silliness. I know they love me and I am thrilled that they don’t need to prove it, nor do I need to prove my love. It’s a given!

In the midst off all the unknown and uncertainty I know they love me and I know they know I love them. The greatest gift I can imagine giving them this year (and into the future) is freedom from their mother’s expectations.

I love myself enough that I don’t need anyone else to ‘prove’ their love to me. I love the people in my life enough to adore them, whatever they say, do or think. 

Giving up expectations of spending time with my family, stressing over what gifts I will give them, and settling in to each precious moment, has brought me peace, joy, compassion, courage, a fresh curiosity, and great, loving laughter. [It’s an effective moment-by-moment practice.]

Years of disappointment and frustration that people didn’t conform to my expectations left me exhausted enough to want a different holiday. Yet, how do I create something new? I was heart broken that my kids didn’t even plan to stop by my home.  Seeing me slip into that dark spot, my husband asked me a fascinating question. This inquiry stopped my pity thoughts and created a pivot point for a new perspective. 

“Why does someone else’s action or lack of action, affect your way of being?” He compassionately stated.

Now that is worth careful consideration. It left me with a deep knowing that the most important thing for me to do this holiday season, and every day, is to BE fully aware and fully present to who I am. Who do I know myself to be; what energy am I committed to emitting?  I see myself as loving, kind, responsive, attentive, supportive, caring, curious, resilient, relaxed, calm, courageous, compassionate. You can fill in the blanks for yourself. Who are you? Let’s support ourselves and each other in remembering (as consistently as we can) to BE that? 

Wisdom of the aging is so enlivening! When in a moment of revelation I declared “Oh, I get it, I only have to be me!” my friend replied, “How bout dropping everything after B?” 

I dropped my expectations of what I needed to do this holiday and exchanged it all for Being!

P.S. I remain a strong proponent of self-love, including routine self-care, rigorous self-compassion and ritual self-forgiveness. So I asked myself, what does my sprit need for me to thrive? After compiling this list, I realize no where does it require action on someone else’s part. It’s all being things that are up to me and are within my ‘control.’

Here is my list, in no particular order:

• Communion with Nature

• Intentional reverent movement

• GRACE - Grounding, Relaxing, Awareness, Centering, & Energy 

• Sacred, quiet moments with mySpirit 

• Intellectually stimulating conversations with Bright Souls

• Beauty

• Affection (both giving and receiving) 

• Curious playfulness and curious observation

• Neutrality - (ORE) observations, reactions, and expectations

• Laughter 

• Frequent touch points with  my 3 Sons, their women, my 5 step children- and my 12 darling grandchildren

• Cleanliness and tidiness

• Service

The human side of me needs action steps to keep these revelations in the top of my mind, to prevent strong habit magnets from pulling me back to my old ways. In Landmark Education they refer to it as putting ‘structures for existence’ into place. I used to use sticky notes on the mirror, periodic alarms on my phone, asking friends to remind me what I said I wanted. I’ve used mantras, meditations, and intentions. Now, I’ve exchanged all those ‘outside’ help aids for my moment-by-moment practice of dwelling in the present moment. 

The more I practice, the simpler it becomes. The more present I am, the more capacity I have to feel that ease flow throughout my life, and the more I realize how much I am willing to exchange for my peaceful heart.