Be Well to Be Free

Deep down inside me, I knew what I was meant to contribute to life. It took me forty years to take action towards that inner knowing. 

BCST

I recently found myself in a group of retirees discussing their process of retirement. Some were elated to finally feel free while others initially struggled with the sudden switch from productivity to idleness. A few have returned to the working world, some for financial reasons and a few others simply to occupy their time. With the exception of the farmer in our group, still farming, no one in this group felt as though their identity was so tied to their job that there was something missing in their lives by not working.

I didn’t contribute to the discussion; I listened with compassion and neutrality, a habit I’m cultivating. Had I been asked what retirement was like for me, I would have said that retirement provided me the opportunity to do what I wanted to do with my life.

I spent most of my life doing what I thought other people want me to do. My college advisor said I should go into finance because of its stability (or that is how I remember it). I decided I wanted to make my parents proud as retribution for my rebellion. It wasn’t until approximately twenty years of struggling and suffering that I paid attention  the term ‘people pleaser.’ I studied for another approximately twenty years about aligning with inner guidance and following one’s intuition. I filled my head with concepts about loving my life.

2008 brought instability and I was ‘let go’ of my finance job along with a sweet severance package to assist in my finding other employment. I had studied enough concepts at that time to identify how to look inside for the path forward. A friend suggested I had deep wisdom to share with others. I thought if I could combine that with my passion for vivacious elders I would truly be dwelling in the world of my dreams. I immersed myself in learning the craft of writing so I could share stories with the world. It was a joyous ride and before I depleted all my resources, I went back to work. I easily obtained a job doing what I ‘know how’ to do, back in finance. 

I spent another ten plus years, continuing my job in finance, my writing practice and absorbing myself in self-improvement courses, learning how to follow my intuition. The job provided many resources to assist me in personal growth, acquisition of material possessions and meeting fun and exciting people. 

However, full retirement from my finance career allowed me the opportunity to put those forty years of learning brilliant concepts and great ideas into practice. By now I had seen some positive results from trusting and following my intuition. I had learned about self-forgiveness, reframing boundaries into saying yes to myself. That first year was full of ‘What Now?’ and a reasonable adjustment to ‘What do I want for me? How do I want to spend my time?’ I took that first year to emerge gently, to gradually pull back from all the ‘people pleasing’ that is required to be ‘successful’ in my career and in my culture. 

Surprisingly, I found that when I took a strong stand for what I wanted for myself, rallying forces surrounded me. I was afraid my family and friends wouldn’t want me to change, they liked me for my generosity and outward attention. Yet, it was reassuring that the ones who felt my commitment to myself, cheered me on. The others gracefully fell away.

I remembered being twenty-something and feeling the call to be in the healing arts. That desire, which had lain dormant for forty years, sprang to life as soon as I cleared the space in my life to say yes. Everything quickly fell into place, I received a practice biodynamic craniosacral session from Alex, when in Boulder,Colorado, I bought the audio book, The Empty Chair, The Teaching not the T-Shirt by Mike Boxhall, and I drove to Dallas, Texas, for my first 5 day training module, all with in 30 days. I knew nothing, and from that place, I felt aligned with myself for the first time in my life. My joy of life was in action.

After two additional years of intensive study, 150 hour long practice sessions and ten trips to Colorado, I was certified to be a registered Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapist. BCST. Then deeper, more long lasting learning began. I’m finally in the healing arts but I am not a healer of others. I am self-healed. I consider myself a catalyst to expansion of adaptivity and growth towards overall wellbeing. Though deep listening I support others in their self-healing journey.

Now I am an open vessel, learning lessons that have been knocking on my door for many years. The power of Stillness, the effectiveness of minding my own business, allowing for the flow of abundance, finding solutions within my body, and assisting others in also befriending their bodies, have created a new me - healthy, happy and safe!

Quote that sums up my retirement experience, by the man who inspired me to take action on this path, Mike Boxhall: “Examine more deeply who we are then empower ourselves to become fully who we are.”

And from my friend Mary Krantz: “Be well to be free!”